The Spiteful Chef

10 New Ways to Use Greek Yogurt (and why you should be using it every day!)

Until the entry of Greek yogurt into the marketplace, I didn’t know there were different kinds of yogurt. Most of our experience was limited to “fruit-on-the-bottom” and “fruit-all-mixed-in” yogurts. And plain yogurt, which I always assumed was to make old people less obsessed with their own gastroenteric function. Or something involving butts. Really, who knows … Continue reading »

Nice Giblets

I am no stranger to food that looks disturbingly like vaginas. You can see evidence of that here and here, as well as at any dinner table I’ve ever attended that has included more than 4 oz of wine poured into my personal glass. Once, I went to dinner with some very conservative, religious family … Continue reading »

Female Reproduction Quiz for Potential Legislators

Since Representative Todd Akin made his infamous comments about how the female reproductive system shuts down any babies made from “legitimate rape,” my brain has been bashing itself against the walls of my skull wondering how, HOW, someone like this could rise to a position of power. I’m pretty sure my reproductive system doesn’t have … Continue reading »

Getting Shanked

I’ve been in jail… a few times. I’ve mentioned it, I’m sure, but if you haven’t heard the story about the time I got put in an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs for having an unpaid “Dog off his leash” ticket in Fort Collins, this is your opportunity to find out! I’m turning into one of … Continue reading »

Naming all my kids “Breville”

I think it was back when I was first entering college that everybody was clamoring for the George Foreman grill. Here are a few important facts: 1- George Foreman named all of his five sons “George Foreman,” which should be an immediate qualifier for getting punched in the face. I don’t even feel comfortable when … Continue reading »

Wholesome

Forgive me for a moment while I get a little bit srsly for a second. Being a parent is HARD. Harder than I ever would have dreamed. It’s not like the basic need-meeting is a particularly challenging skillset, mind you. Basically all I have to do is keep him from offing himself, make PB&J sandwiches … Continue reading »

Asian Chicken Noms-a-million

When we lived in TX, I made the very grave error of buying a whole bunch of groceries at the ethnic market, and then taking them home and not making them immediately, assuming that I would get to them on a rainy day. Instead, on that rainy day, I got pregnant and was so deeply … Continue reading »

WTF: Asian Market Edition

I find the Asian market to be absolutely fascinating. I’ve mentioned this before. I like everything about it except for the fact that it smells like an unwashed bidet. After careful sleuthing, I believe I may have located the source of the odor, and it’s sort of a nightmare in and of itself: Like … Continue reading »

My Sham Marriage

I am not what you would call an organizational wizard. Paperwork seems to filter through my fingers into nothingness, or end up on the floor covered in smears of tomato sauce and/or drawings of naked stick figures. I’m talking about 8×11 sheets of printer paper, mind you. So when various government organizations issue me very … Continue reading »

I like food… as more than just a friend

Lesbiatarianism