The Spiteful Chef

I get very excited about making elaborate breakfasts when Chris is home and we don’t have anything big planned for the morning. On this particular occasion, he went out and mowed the lawn like the caveman provider that he is, so I felt like he should be rewarded with more than just eggs or granola and yogurt (the stuff he’s normally fed). I’ve never made a hollandaise sauce before because I think it’s repulsive to eat just butter and egg yolks and it has 800 calories in a cup of the stuff. But Chris’s body could burn entire sticks of butter like they were gallons of gas in an ’88 Chevy pickup if I fed them to him, so it really wasn’t an issue. Oh, and BTW, how much does he suck for having that kind of metabolism?? Ugh.

Anyway, we didn’t have time to make up some english muffins, but I did have leftover tortillas, which I fried into rounds, topped with eggs that were poached in chicken broth and jalapeno juice, and covered in crispy bacon, green chili hollandaise, and additional fried tortilla strips. I threw in a latte and a glass of orange juice for good measure. All-in-all, his breakfast weighed in at 2100 calories. Awesome, right??

Then we were going to make a peach tart to bring over to a friend’s house. Peaches are in season, and the ones from Texas are juicy and sweet. Mmmmmm. So we assembled the peach tart, I set the sucker on fire with my BLOWTORCH and some sugar, and then we ate it because it was too delicious to give away.

So piles of peach tart and vanilla bean whipped cream were our lunch, and I don’t know that I’ve ever been happier…except maybe the next morning when we made cinnamon pancakes and topped them with leftover peach tart filling and whipped cream with maple syrup. Because that was the things that dreams are made of.