I am not what you would call an organizational wizard. Paperwork seems to filter through my fingers into nothingness, or end up on the floor covered in smears of tomato sauce and/or drawings of naked stick figures. I’m talking about 8×11 sheets of printer paper, mind you. So when various government organizations issue me very … Continue reading »
Filed under Rants …
A Comprehensive Guide on Gym Attire
The Gym. We love to hate it, but an estimated 45.3 million Americans have a gym membership of some kind. Some of us go to lose weight, some of us go to bulk up, some of us go because our gyms have free daycare, and some of us go because we like to lay by … Continue reading »
Do Birds Have Threesomes?
I think my attack pigeons are having a threesome. Either that, or they’ve brought in a sister wife. All I know is that there are now three attack pigeons sharing one nest, when there used to be two. I have no problem with it– good for them– but they’ve got eggs and I don’t really … Continue reading »
The (even) uglier side of Vegas
Monday was my 30th birthday, and Sunday night I got home from my first trip to Vegas. Wow. 30. Time to break out the full-coverage panties and elaborate facial creams, and investigating how I can get my insurance to pay for an in-home elevator. I’d like to share a Vegas story with you: As … Continue reading »
Mittens Romulus
Continuing in our series of presidential nominees, I’d like to stop and take a moment to honor someone so wholesome, so robotic, so MONOGAMOUS, that clearly he’s going to win the republican nomination. I’m looking at you, Mr. Willard Mitt Romney. Mitt. Ol’ Mittens. What the hell are we doing right now? We went from … Continue reading »
Amphibious Sexin
I just want to take this opportunity to say how much I love politics. It’s a thing that my family doesn’t feel as comfortable discussing, but I could discuss it all day. Chris also likes talking politics, or listening to my political rants, so that works out well for both of us. But this last … Continue reading »
Vitamins and Minerals
There is currently a War on Gluten, and I keep losing friends to the dark side. I have one friend who is celiac, so I get that. But everyone else is just doing it to make me unhappy and ruin my ability to craft baked goods out of love and King Arthur products. Just eat … Continue reading »
On aging
I’m turning 30 in March. Ahem. What I meant to say is I’M TURNING THIRTY IN MARCH!!! This current, upcoming March, to be exact. And I’m freaking out a small amount. I know that there are plenty of you who are older than thirty and will tell me that I’m being ridiculous. I accept that. … Continue reading »
Titty Soup
I am going to share some personal things with you right now. Not about anything horrible or that will make you feel extremely emotional (God willing), but personal nonetheless. So if you’re NOT interested in reading about BOOBIES then this would be a great point to turn off your computer and go engage in some … Continue reading »
Prison
After wandering outside in shorts and a tank top to knock the snow off of our DirecTV receiver, I came back in to hear the following commercial advertisement: “Restasis is not for patients who have had herpes of the eye.” Even at my absolute rowdiest, I was never rowdy enough to be at a … Continue reading »